Rude Wake Up Call

It was a dark cinema.
The film was not showing yet.
Cold? I ask.
You nod and curl your feet up onto the seat. You nestle your head in the crook of my shoulder.
We both feel a sudden tingle as warmth spread through our bodies.
I put my arm around you.
I want to keep you warm, to keep you safe from harm, for as long as I live.
You smile. That smile that lights up the room.
I draw you closer. Our heads touch.
I plan a kiss on your forehead.

*ring ring*
Who? What? Its a cinema, turn your phone off.

Oh, its the house phone. I stumble out of bed.
"Hello, Mr Ong? Pest Control, we are outside the door."

Shit, just as it was getting good.

One bad thing about living in an old house is that you get all manner of pests. From termintes that threaten to eat your beams, to rats that think your store is a good place to raise their children. With that call, I'm up... Left feeling unfinished. Damn. No more literotica for me.

Here.
Here.
Here.
And Here.

OCD

We all know what an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is right? Some people have anal about cleanliness, others constantly find an urge to check their emails.

I am a compulsive pirate. I find the constant need to be downloading something off the Internet all the time. If my computer's switched on, and nothing's being downloaded, I feel like I'm not making FULL use of $60 we pay for the broadband. Hence I'm constantly on the prowl for something to pirate .

Following LHL's comment on how we could start a clinic to help those who have gambling addictions, what about starting something for people who have OCD? Call it Obsessives' Anonymous. (Must really be anonymous - downloading is illegal says RIAA =P)

Hi. My name is Brandon and I have a problem.

But then again I'm told they have such a place already. Its in Changi and apparently they provide uniforms and free meals. (downloading is illegal... haha)

Miss Singapore Universe?

Nadya - a fine piece of work.

You know there is something wrong with the Miss Singapore Universe pageant this Saturday when the hosts are prettier than the contestants.

Nadya Hutagalung and this model called Catherine Ong are the hosts, and baring Gurmit - they are a pretty lot.

Singapore women are better than the selection we have on stage this Saturday. Its just that most Singapore women have better dignity (and jobs) rather than vie for the title. Of course, there is always a career after that as an oil-broker, look at Rachel 'hide those teeth' Lee. It goes to show that you don't need qualifications to be an oil-broker, just big boobs and the ability to make men give you what you want for the chance that you will sleep with them (which may or may not happen).

And whats with the names of the contestants? Can't they think of more 'normal' sounding names. Who has heard of Blyss, or Swyn (Swine?). Names need consonants damnit!

Sorry for the rant. Woke up on the wrong side of bed today.

Bullocks...

A nice pair of bullocks.

I've delved into the fray of properly looking for a job and I've got a piece of advise for all. Internet job-sites are rubbish.

Almost all the jobs advertised for 'Management Trainee' or 'Business Development' usually refer to commissioned-based road show staff. Then call it as it is!

They throw in some management 'training' - that is, sit you down for one or two lectures a week and expect you to be trained? Whats even more saddening is that I've met a few people who have been working in such companies who are actually HAPPY there? Come on! Can't you see they are taking you for a ride and not to mention free labour?

I got a call this morning regarding one of these positions. The first thing I asked was whether it was a commission based position. I have no idea how they got my resume. Must be bloody JOBstreet.com.

Actually, I've been to one of such 'interviews'. They are professional and work from a nice office which is usually in a prestigious address. They dress well and ask you to do all those character tests etc. But they don't tell you what the job is REALLY about. When I found out (after wasting 2 days of my life) I walked out of the third round interview.

Farking 'ell. Screw them all. Nothing beats the newspapers.

Today's Peeve: Roadshow companies that pretend to be otherwise.

Pro Choice

Are you a pro-lifer or a pro-choice?

The internet is abuzz with the Califonian case Schiavo. She is a person in a permanative vegetative state. Her husband (and legal guardian) has effectively euthanised her because he has asked the doctor to withdraw her feeding tubes. This is even though her parents (who created her and now have no power over her life after she got married) want to keep her alive.

I say effective euthanised because euthanasia is still illegal in most parts of the world, including the US. Though the doctor is killing her, it is not an act of commission (ie, injecting her with drugs that will kill her) but rather an act of omission (ie, withdrawing medical treatment - in this case, feeding her). So, the grey line in the line has suddenly gotten a little bit clearer.

Are you a pro-life or a pro-choice person? This includes abortion, so think about it before you decide. I'm pro-choice. I'd want to choose when I die and have no intention of remaining a vegetable. Albeit in the case above, it is quite grey because it is her husband who has made the decision to end her life, and not Terri herself. Thats why I think its very important to create a living will.

My choice is simple. I don't want to be a vegetable nor do I want to prolong the suffering of those who love me as they see me lying day to day in a non-motive state in the hospital, and worrying about the bills. Thats why I have left specific instructions in my will that my brother, B1 has the final call. Not only is he is executor of my estate, he is also the executor of my body. He will make the decision when to pull the plug and give my organs to people who need a second chance in life.

If only Terri had made such a will. Things would have been much simpler.

P.S. I'm writing this so people won't be contesting my decision if the time comes. Its is eternally (or at least as long as the server is up) on the Web. Haha.

50Cent? More Like $27.99

I 'bought' 50 Cent's new album The Massacre a few days ago. Now I know why its called as such. The album is full of him wanting to shoot people, getting shot, guns... you get the idea. I know its gangsta-rap but how can people enjoy this shite? It has no melody, no proper vocals to speak of and is peppered with gunshots in the background. Bloody waste of my time. (Oops..)

Pass the Past

The funny thing about the past is that it catches up with you. Heck, it catches up with you and bites you in the ass. These days, as I trudge through Blog world, the first thing I look at is whether this new blog I'm reading has links to my past.

You see, I used to date this girl who is an avid blogger. Now it seems that she is quite a popular one as well, and a few of the blogs I've been to have links to her. It dreads me to think that these people know her - and then me. With the fear of reconciliation (and possible embarrasment) looming, I usually scurry along.

Sigh, this is what happens when you date the creative types, and live in Singapore, with its 3 degrees of seperation.

Yes, she WAS a Man...

Today's Straits Times Life! is abuzz with an article about Harisu. She is Korea's most famous transgender actress? and because of the her success and confidence she draws from being a woman, she has created a whole new industry locally of transgender actresses (who I must say look better than 'real' women)

A website has this to say of her biography (I'm too lazy to type)

Harisu : Redefines Gender Identity

Harisu is pretty. She is often described as "Even prettier, sexier and more glamorous than a woman!''

She is definitely a woman, only someone who became one later than most, 19 years after birth, in fact. She is the first entertainer in Korea who has made it publicly known that she has had a transgender operation. And now she has become one of the most sought-after figures in the entertainment business, with only one TV commercial to her name.

Dodgy TV 2

Proof of late night dodgy movies. This is taken from the tv in my room. Its fuzzy cos the rain has somehow moved my tv aerial on the roof.

Dodgy TV

If you can't sleep...

Did you know that if you turn on the tv to Channel 8 or U after 2am in the morning, you'll probably get to see a dodgy chinese film being shown?

Dodgy because its the closest you'll ever get to seeing something mildly pornographic being shown on national tv in Singapore. Its usually a poorly made movie from the 80s, with sexual acts against women being part of the main theme of the film. Hence the plot usually revolves around one of these:

1. Prostitution
2. Something about female ghosts, ala the succubus
3. Gangsters
4. Psychos
5. Innocent women - who are guillible and tricked.

They also always have some form of cheesy saxophone music that comes on before the act. The acting is usually terrible, but once in awhile you'll recognise a now-famous face. Well, I guess that many actors in HK do start out by starring in Cat IIb films.

Oh well, what to do? Its either that or Days of Our Lives. You see, thats the bad thing about not having cable in the bedroom... Ha.

More Wise Words from TV Land

Good Friday greetings to all.

I was watching The West Wing Season 6 Episode 20 and a quote from one of the characters struck me.

"I cannot believe in a God who said that the penalty for working on the Sabbath is death." - Senator Arnold Vickers, Republican.

I know I'm going to bum out a lot of religious folk with this, but if you are religious, avert your eyes now.

Many of my religious friends cannot explain to me why do they ignore the Old Testament. Is there a new God in the New Testament? There is not. Accordingly, He is one and the same.

How can one believe in a God that says, “Because they have sinned against the Lord, their blood shall be poured out like dust, and their flesh like dung.” (Zephaniah 1:17)

A God that is violent against non-believers? “I smote you with blasting and with mildew and with hail in all the labours of your hands; yet ye turned not to me, saith the LORD.” (Haggai 2:17)

Sure, its all quite rosy now that He has sent his Son down and did a PR exercise, resulting in a New book. And we do get rock concerts now in Evangelistic churches where people roll their eyes back and start speaking in tongues (when there is no need to, since all in the House understand English) but have a jolly rocking good time. But do we ignore the fact that God is violent? And He kills if you incur His wrath? How do you equate that with the message of loving all that is preached now? Is God a clever politician? Speaking the message that the masses will want to hear? This used to be violence, and the rule by fear, but its changed now, and we need subtlety, persuasion and to preach a message of peace (but still scare you that you will BURN eternally if you don't believe).

Anyway, I think that the religion has been subjugated by Man for his own purposes. Religion has been used by King James to unite his country, to give him a religious mandate to rule his country (thats why all Kings are crowned by ArchBishops), and used for 3 Crusades in the genocide of Moslems when the real reason was to plunder. The Book may not even be accurate, since it was translated several times. Was the Virgin Mary a Virgin? Or just a fair maiden because of a nuance in the Latin word? How can we base teachings on something we know not of its accuracy? Its different from us having copies of the Koran, Torah or Buddhist scripture that were written in the language of the time, and have exisited for hundreds of years which are still readable today.

Well, I guess in the End, religion is what you make of it. And what it does for you psyche. I know I've opened a can of worms, but don't hate me, I'm going to burn in Hell as it is already.

More Proof

More proof that censorship is wrong. =P

Self-Censorship

Singaporeans are generally a paranoid bunch. Perhaps this is due to living in a Socialist state where State-sponsored spying is far from being an urban myth. This usually results in self-censorship of some kind. We watch what we say, who we say to, and where we say it at. We think, hey, if even the newspaper reporters (who are supposed to be the voice of the nation) have to do it, why not us?

The reason why I'm typing this is because I just read a post on the blog of someone I've recently got to know (better?). Bloggers don't usually start out their blogs to be broadcasted to random people. Its usually a quiet collection of thoughts to be shared within close friends. But sometimes things happen and you end up being a mrbrown or a xiaxue. Then you gain a following of people you don't know and you become famous and get a column in a daily newspaper. But I digress...

The point of concern is the area in-between being a private blog for close friends and being a famous public blog. It is in this area where we inadvertately think we should censor what we write, just in case we offend someone - who is not entirely random, but who we meet, but not consider friends, yet.

I say screw it. Write what you want. A few reasons. Firstly, cos if this new guy/gal takes offense to your online persona, then he is not worth your time anyways. Secondly, if he cannot understand that there is a difference at times between someone's online persona and real-life, then he's a ignorant moron and not worth your time.

So write what you want. And if anyone judges you for it, then tell them to take a walk...

P.S. I started this blog as an online diary of sorts. To write what was on my mind at the moment without bothering about whether someone was taking offence. It will stay that way. Ha.

The Singapore Cancer

Soon, this will be replaced by a foodcourt. Argh!!

Look at Page 2 of today's Straits Times. (I would link you but then again I'm not stupid enough to pay subscription for BOTH the print and the Internet editions)

I quote,"The city's Chinatown is set for major revamp and Singapore is providing much of the inspiration. .... The developer is Rosewheel who spent 2 weeks in Singpaore in January studying the Replublic's upgraded Chinatown and other shopping centres. ... Rosewheel has now proposed a Singapore-style foodcourt surrounded by 100 retail shops with an Asian influence. "

Once again - arrrrggghhh!!!

Apparently I was wrong, the Singapore Life! festival did work. The Singapore Cancer of sterilised urban living has now spread to a place far away that held unforgettable memories. Does the London City Council not understand that a Chinatown is supposed to be colourful, vibrant and have a character of its own? Think Chinatown in New York. What makes them think that they should meddle with it and make it a shopping centre of sorts? Its silly enough that Singapore has gone ahead and done it - in the process destroying any last semblance of Chinatown culture, and now London is going to do it?

How can anyone be attracted by Chinatown Singapore? With its foldaway kiosks and shops selling all matter of rubbish catered for tourists, its overpriced and sub-standard eating houses... I dread to think what London is going to be like.

Its a sad day for travellers everywhere who want to catch a glimpse of life in the city they visit - and are now faced with a packaged commercial offering.

Lets take a minute of silence to those lost to the Singapore Cancer. Someone please stop them...

Today's Peeve - Bored Sh*tless

I'm bored sh*tless. Its Good Friday and be it a conspiracy to get people to church or just so people will sit down in the quiet and think about God or something, there just isn't anything interesting to watch on tv. Even cable has joined the conspiracy - they are showing repeats of documentaries and travel shows. Urgh...

But I've been amusing myself... took a nap after lunch eventhough I only woke up at 12. I blame Mom. She unknowingly tried to poison me buy using MSG-rich sauce she bought from the market to cook lunch. All that bull-sh*t about MSG not being bad for you is rubbish. Being hyper-sensitive to it, MSG makes my eyes tear, nose run, eyes puff and throat constrict. Hence I had to sleep it off - and hope that I would wake up.

Before the day was over, I had finished two full UK magazines, read all the usual blogs and websites I frequent, watched 1 DVD and a feature film in the cinema - Miss Congeniality 2 (hey, I was bored, k.) So I actually did accomplish a lot. But why the heck do I still feel so bored?

Well, about Ms Congeniality. Don't watch it if you have a choice. But its alright for its toilet humour and it does have a happy ending in the end. That should cheer anyone up.

Singapore Life! - Waste of Bloody Time

As you may know, there is a festival happening in London now called Singapore Life! Paid for by the Singapore Tourism Board, it aims to attract foreign talent to Singapore by showing the food, culture? and the vibrant "art" scene.

However, put that together with this news article. A Singaporean film maker has been 'advised' to remove his film due to political sensitivities. This is eventhough we see films about our founding lao-peh, MM on free-to-air tv.

You are not going to fool anyone. The foreign 'talent' knows to use the Internet and knows whats exactly going on in Singabloodypore. And from a source, I've heard that the Singapore Life! festival is not doing too well anyway, contrary to what Channel News Asia is reporting. People are only interested in the cheap satay. Haha.

Today's Peeve

A big blue bootie

Singapore women are a fine looking bunch. Just head out to town and see for yourself.

Today's peeve: So much booty and I'm not getting any.

Urinal Etiquette

Unbeknowst to my female readers everytime we men walk into the gentlemens to use the urinal, we are put into the line of fire (pardon the pun.)

Here I shall attempt to school you, the reader on some rules of using the urinals. To show you what we men are faced with everytime we visit the porcelain wall.

1. You should always stick your hip into the hole. The reasons are two-fold.
a. No one wants to see your willy, no matter what its shape or size is.
b. If not, you risk giving the adjacent user a shower caused by the back splash, and that is always unwelcomed.

2. Always use the urinal furthest from the next user. Its basic etiquette.

3. Look at yourself. This means no looking at your neighbour. Eye contact is absolutely impermissible.

4. There is to be no body contact once the zips are undone. If your shoulders touch mumble sorry - keeping in mind point 3.

5. Explusion of other bodily fluids and gases is not allowed. You don't want to have to hold your breath mid-stream and so you should't do it to others.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Now you know what we guys face everytime we take a leak. I'm writing this cos I ust got hit by backsplash - thats the trouble of wearing shorts, you actually get to feel it. Urgh.

Wise Words from TV Land

If its (a relationship) is so much work, then its not working. - Ryan, O.C. Season 2 Episode 16

Today's Peeve

I've oft been told by people I know that I can be a right bastard when it comes to my opinions. I guess its always good to take comments in stride.

Hence I'm starting a regular feature known as "The Things That Cheesed Me Off Today."

Todays entry goes out to the public transport handphone ringtone menace. Don't you just hate it when the silence you hardly get to enjoy in buses (because of tv mobile) is broken by someone testing out his mobile ringtones? Is it imperative that they change it now? When there is audience?

Today's peeve: People who want to let the world know they have a polyphonic phone.

The Monster Within

You must all agree when I say that we all have monsters within us. They could be jealousy, rage, lust et cetera.

We usually keep these alter-egos in check by means of conscience, common sense, fear of the law or they company of good friends.

However of late, I find that I'm fighting a losing battle with my monster. It's been going on for awhile now. When will IT surface?

Too soon, I fear, too soon.

No Cat

No pussy in this tree. Wrong tree. Next tree.

Barking

There are days like this one where I wake up and wonder whether am I barking up the wrong tree? Am I getting anywhere?

Locked Out...

Its 1am and I'm sitting in the park of the estate. The street lamps that usually illuminate it have been turned off and so I'm practically sitting in the dark. Thankfully there is a slight glow from the lamps that line the road, so its not too bad...

What am I doing there you may ask. Well, i got myself into a fix. I met Ed for a cuppa at our local haunt but when I got home, I realised that genius me forgot to take my keys out. So I'm locked out.

Why don't I give someone in the house a call then? I could. But they need to sleep. I've called my brother who is still at work (yes, he is Batman) and he says the earliest he can get home is an hour later.

So what am I to do till then?

Think I shall go to the nearby coffeeshop for a beer... after I finish writing this post. Stupid, stupid.

The Dance of the Hot-and-Cold

If there is one thing I really hate about re-entering the foray into the land of happy relationships, is the portion that all budding lovers encounter – the hot-and-cold period.

This is the period where the two individuals who may or may not like each other mutually do the little dance of feigning disinterest but getting excited over the next phonecall – made by the party that inevitably crumbles.

Why can’t Asians be more straightforward? Why can’t someone just suck it in and go up and say, “I like you a lot.” And get a straightforward reply? Is it because we are afraid of getting hurt? Or is it because our culture’s only response to something like that is to flee? And this is not restricted to the men, women should step up to the plate as well.

I remember the time I said something like that to someone in Bristol. She replied, “Well, but I don’t really like you that way, darling. I’m sorry, but let’s go out for martinis ok?”

It makes it so much easier for a man to keep his ego unbruised. So, yes, maybe it’s the culture.

And yes, she and I are the best of friends now.

Well, I guess there is no alternative but to stay on the dance floor, getting little flutters whenever it looks as if she’s responding, and sulking when she plays hard to get.

What to do?

The Ipoh Adventure Part 7 - Driving

Driving in Malaysia is definitely not for the faint hearted. My top peeves include.

1. Those Modesnas that have riders who do not seem to value their lives. Paying scant heed to the rules of the road, it is not uncommon to see them shooting across the road ust as the traffic lights change in your favour. They also seem to have a deathwish, riding with one hand at 110km/h, using their feet to push a broken down comrade along the expressway, squeezing between cars from blind corners at incredibly high speeds et cetera.
2. Its official. Proton Perdana’s drivers are the craziest. They seem to take a morbid joy in tailgating you on the North-South Highway and then fart a big cloud of smoke as they overtake you with their inevitably modified exhausts. Is it the fact that they are 2.0l that makes their ego inflated?
3. Those coach buses that take people up and down the Malaysian Peninsular. I recall my trips to KL on these coaches. Now that I’ve seen how they are driven, I will seriously consider taking them again. You trust your lives in the hands of these drivers and fall asleep, only to wake up when you hit Pudu. What you don’t realise is that they overtake cars at 140km/h with impunity, swerve left and right within their lane as the driver floats in and out of sleep, tailgate huge lorries as they find space to overtake, et cetera. Do the drivers every consider that they are gambling with the lives of their innocent passengers?

But hey, if you can drive in Malaysia, you are can drive almost anywhere in the world.

Be Cool

One of the reasons I advocated leaving for KL early was because I couldn’t find any decent ‘pirate’ movies in Ipoh and I knew I would be bored shitless if I didn’t have anything to watch.

So I went to tell Mom & Dad that we should leave Ipoh cos there was nothing to do, and we shouldn’t drive all the way straight to Singapore… Haha…

I just spent the last 4 hours watching an Andy Lau and Sammi Cheng movie – which left me disappointed cos I thought it would be one of those happy ending romantic shows… sigh… he dies.

Feeling blue and unable to sleep, I took out Be Cool and started watching it. As with In Good Company, I almost didn’t get to watch it. Why? Cos those geniuses in Petaling Street put all the wrong movies into all the jackets. So out of the 6 movies I bought, only 3 were the ones I wanted. Ah Beng jiu si Ah Beng, bo nao one.

Be Cool is all about the hustle. Travolta is a scammer, a smooth talker. It is an irreverent movie, done in the same way as Pulp Fiction. Uma Thurman is good as usual, and the chemistry between the 2 leads is amazing. But was it a good movie? I’ll give it a 7 out of 10. Not excellent, but palatable.

The Ipoh Adventure Part 6 - Of Temples and Pomelos

We left Ipoh late this afternoon. It was quite an experience and I learnt a few things about the tin capital of Malaysia.

Firstly (I am always well organised), that they have a lot of limestone hills. These hills are everywhere, and most of them stand alone as a single hill but in the company of others. Well, in other words, they don’t form a continuous ridge.

There are many temples built into the natural caves of these hills, and this was how we spent the greater part of this morning – exploring temples.

Secondly, Ipoh is apparently quite famous for its coffee, pomelos and groundnuts. How do I know? Cos everywhere you go, you will find people trying to sell you one of the above.

Thirdly, after visiting the temples and the major (empty) Parkson Shopping Centre, there is practically no other worthy tourist attraction to go – unless you count The Lost World of Tambun Water Themepark.

So after lunch, we headed back to the hotel for a nap, and set off to KL to spend the night…

To be continued…

The Ipoh Adventure Part 5 - Singapore in the 1960s

Dad keeps saying that Ipoh reminds him of Singapore in the 60s and 70s. I can see why. The city is made up predominately of 2 storey colonial shop-houses. With wide streets in between the rows, open drains and ‘old style’ road side eating – this would what I’ve imagined Old Singapore to be like. Even the street lights and road dividers that line the roads look like something out of the post-modern era – made of cement and usually in bold colours or shapes.

More importantly, there is an unrushed, rustic feel to life here. It seems everything can be laid back, or taken at a slower pace. This is definitely not a testosterone driven, caffeine fuelled, get-out-of-my-way urban environment. Bear in mind though, that this is West Malaysia’s third largest city.

Was Singapore so colourful and different not so many years ago? Today, leave the country for 3 years and you’d return to an unfamiliar home country. Is there no value in preserving what little architectural and historical heritage that we have? Was it absolutely necessary to tear down the National Library?

We return to a Singapore that holds no memories for us. There is no wonder the younger generation is leaving. How can the Govt convince us to stay if we are inculcated that change in inevitable and nothing is worth preserving – not even on historical grounds? Sigh…

After tearing down the history Singapore grew up with, the Govt then goes on to artificially create some semblance of culture for us to ‘identify’ with. Rubbish. It won’t work.

Well, at least I know that if I ever want to taste how Singapore really was like, I can always come up to Ipoh. Its like a walk into the past. When everything was much simpler.

Secrets for a Successful Marriage

Choose the right person to get into the foxhole with, and when out of the foxhole, keep your dick in your shorts. – Dennis Quaid, In Good Company.

How true.

Looking at my parents fawn over each other in the car as we drive up, I wonder whether I would be lucky enough to find someone who I can spend 25 years with and still love her as much as when we were dating.

I’ve never seen my parents fight. Well, not for long anyway. I think my Mom chooses her battles, and lets my Dad win on most occasions. But keeps her foot down on the important decisions. Aren’t you women sneaky? Hah…

Anyway, I’m in Ipoh now. The hotel, Heritage Ipoh, is quite alright. Dad and I both took a nap once we hit the room, almost fell asleep on the drive up. Dangerous.

Going to hit the city centre now. More updates later!

PS. There is Astro in the room! I won’t be bored tonight! Haha.

The Ipoh Adventure Part 4 - Wong’s Taugeh and Ayam (Kuaytiao) Restoran

Dinner tonight was at Wong’s Taugeh and Ayam Restoran. No prizes for guessing what was served. Haha. Apparently, one of Ipoh’s famous dishes besides hor-fun (which we are going to have tomorrow) is its taugeh and pak cham gai.

The taugeh (beansprouts) were the plumpest and most crisp ones I’ve eaten. Generously doused with sesame oil and sprinkled over the top with the best tasting black pepper and garnished with chopped spring onions and red chillis – who knew that a simple dish like fried beansprouts can be taken onto such a level?

The chicken was tender and juicy – and of course, very oily thanks to the sesame oil. The only let down was that the rice was just plain rice – what happened to the ginger, garlic and chicken stock?

Hey, but I can see why this restaurant is the most popular in Ipoh Pusat Bandaraya.