Urinal Etiquette

Unbeknowst to my female readers everytime we men walk into the gentlemens to use the urinal, we are put into the line of fire (pardon the pun.)

Here I shall attempt to school you, the reader on some rules of using the urinals. To show you what we men are faced with everytime we visit the porcelain wall.

1. You should always stick your hip into the hole. The reasons are two-fold.
a. No one wants to see your willy, no matter what its shape or size is.
b. If not, you risk giving the adjacent user a shower caused by the back splash, and that is always unwelcomed.

2. Always use the urinal furthest from the next user. Its basic etiquette.

3. Look at yourself. This means no looking at your neighbour. Eye contact is absolutely impermissible.

4. There is to be no body contact once the zips are undone. If your shoulders touch mumble sorry - keeping in mind point 3.

5. Explusion of other bodily fluids and gases is not allowed. You don't want to have to hold your breath mid-stream and so you should't do it to others.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Now you know what we guys face everytime we take a leak. I'm writing this cos I ust got hit by backsplash - thats the trouble of wearing shorts, you actually get to feel it. Urgh.