Memories

A friend recently told me that I was being very selfish. That I was spending time with her in certain places and leaving good memories of them in her mind. I suppose she meant that the next time she went to these places, I would inevitably invade her conciousness.

That got me thinking. You see, I am a victim of that as well. There are so many times I would walk into a place and my mood will just turn sour.

You see, I’ve had so many good memories of my time spent with R, and now, these good memories just hurt.

I try so hard to remember the goodness of the memory, in the hope that it will mask the pain, but it is so hard sometimes. I try to convince myself that “its better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all.” But its not easy.

I was just at NTUC with Mom this evening. Whilst looking for soft drinks for the upcoming Chinese New Year, I spied onto packets of Konnayaku Jelly placed above the soft drinks. It just brought back the memories of how R would spend time to make it for me because she knew how much I loved it, eventhough she never eats a single spoonful. (she hates the consistency).

I have made a list of things that bring back memories. Its in my Palm. I don’t know why I keep the list, or worse, even update it frequently. Don’t know. Maybe I’m just trying to hold on to something that is not there anymore.

Gotta stop now. Chest pain.