Saturday, February 05, 2005

The Cynic in Me

Sometimes it seems easier to think the worse of someone, something or a situation. Before I met R, I was the biggest cynic in this world. I would be able to come up with some “evil” twist to anything someone did. The first question that would pop into my head would be – so whats in it for him.

That was bad, admittedly. But I did change through my relationship with her. She was the most kind person who thought the best of everyone, to the extent that we would sometimes have quarrels because I thought she was naïve and was in danger of getting herself hurt or taken advantage of.

It took a long process but after some months, I realised that I was a happier person by not thinking so much. Just take things as they appear. Of course, have the guile not to be taken advantaged off, so be street smart, but don’t go to the extent of thinking badly of someone.

However, recently I have felt that cynicism creeping back into my life. I guess its hard not to when the only thing keeping you on track was that one thing. That Big Dipper – showing you the direction to head. It gets even harder when a cynical explanation seems the most logical hypothesis to answer a question.

I must not think too much. Nor believe what I think is the answer. It was not about the material wants. It was about something else.

How do I convince myself? Its hard not to. Sigh.

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