Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Girl's First Time

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist.

After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

I hope you were thinking about pulling a tooth all these time.


Taken from here.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Public Service Message

We went up to a northernly neighbour with a penchant for keris-waving over the weekend.

On the highway back, we were stopped by a friendly neighbourhood highway cop. He said we had been speeding "10 km back", at "125 km/h".

Now, firstly, why chase us for 10 km before stopping us? And secondly, as a very law-abiding citizen who respects the laws of our neighbours, we never speed. (hurhur...)

And so we challenged him. And said we were not speeding. Show us some proof.

From his aloof attitude a few secs ago, he became friendly, and waved us off with a "warning".

Public Service Message:

"Unless you get stopped at a road block and know you have been speeding, don't even bother giving a bribe. Challenge them for proof and they should back away."

Friday, April 25, 2008

The Weekend!

Here it comes!

And out of Singapore I go!

Looking forward to eating, shopping, eating, shopping.

Seeya all on Monday, folks!

Blur Taxi Driver

So I was late coming into the office today and as I drove up the ramp into the office carpark, I was stuck behind this taxi.

Being late, I was impatient, and this was made worse by the fact that the taxi kept jamming on its brakes suddenly.

Eventually, I parked and got out of my car. The cabby was still circling the carpark. He pulled up next to me and wound down his window. And asked... "How do I get to the 6th floor?" in Hokkien.

Now, my carpark only has 2 floors, so in a fit of bemusement, I asked him why.

So...

Apparently, he has a telephone booking on the sixth floor and thought of driving straight up to the office!

BLUR SOTONG lah!

P.S I told him to get out of the carpark and call the guy to come down...

diao.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Office Kaypoh

The man has been wearing the same pink shirt for 3 days in a row. He has never worn the same shirt twice before.

He has also been making hushed phonecalls in the office hallway...

Trouble with the missus at home?

I is the office kaypoh. =P

*Update* Day 4, same shirt

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wife Jokes

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Marriage is a three ring circus : engagement ring, marriage ring and suffering.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener .

Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

Bachelors should be taxed heavily. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Chase the Blues Away...

1. Men are like .. Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like. Bananas The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like Weather Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .... Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ... Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off!

8. Men are like ...... Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9 . Men are like ..... Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Power Naps

I think power naps really help productivity. They are the best use for periods of low productivity. Now... I need to figure how to take them at work. Hmm...

Urgh

Pong (n) - the offensive, sickly sourish smell of body odor that lingers in the office hallway long after the donor has left

Not the best smell to start the day with. Urgh.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

We Got Served By...



What happens to superheroes when they retire.
Taken at Sushi Tei @ Big Splash.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Women Always Have Men In Them

Woman has man in it;

Mrs. has Mr. in it;

Female has male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

No wonder men always want to be inside women.

When You Think No One Notices…

I generally arrive at the office early. And as the earliest person with the office key usually arrives only at 9, I have to hang around the carpark till the office door opens.

My usual routine is to clean the car, dust the mats, pack the boot… I am innocuous and can be missed as I go about doing my things. However as I’m always there around the same time everyday, I run into the same people, some of which I nod and smile to.

But there is this one couple who have an odd habit. She is Chinese, he is Indian. He drives up the carpark and heads to the far end of it, where there is a staircase. She gets off and walks up. He then drives to the other end, where there are elevators and parks his car there. Sometimes, he hangs around for a few minutes before going up.

Which makes me wonder, if there is something dodgy going on in that office. =P

Just when they thought no one notices…

Friday, April 04, 2008

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Oh Dear...

I have been helping out with my secondary school... that means I have been hanging out with some 13 - 16 year olds...

Some of these kids have Facebook accounts. And naturally, I add them as friends if they so request.

But something has me concerned.

One kid super-poked me. "XXX has been hung over with Brandon".

I'm not sure what I should be more concerned about. The fact that their standard of English is that poor that they don't know what a hangover is; the kind of impression I might be leaving on them (my party photos); or that he might be telling me that he drinks *gasp*.

Oh dear.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Inakaya Robatayaki


I was at this restaurant last night. Food was not amazing, but fresh and good. Its an authentic japanese concept, where the chef sits on a island, with a grill in front of him and his customers around him.

You banter with the chefs, they recommend whats good, you sing with the waiters, buy the chef's sake (which they will thank you loudly for), there is a lot of shouting (like a japanese market) everytime a dish is ordered / served... generally a lot of fun.

The chef I had was this guy with a German father - Japanese mother. He didn't speak a word of English! Oh, those paddles are how he serves you the food.

The restaurant is a month old, but there were no discernible kinks in the service. Everyone in there spoke Jap! Oh, but it is quite ex. But it was full house on a Monday night.

Details:
Inakaya Robatayaki
Orchard Parade Hotel

Hot Canned Drinks


Ever seen a machine that dispenses hot canned drinks? No? Wonder why?

Such machines are kinda designed to fail - cos the cans come out so hot you can't hold them! Wahaha... Spotted this one near Serangoon. And yes, the cans are so hot, you can't even open them.