Wife Jokes

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Marriage is a three ring circus : engagement ring, marriage ring and suffering.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener .

Don’t marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

Bachelors should be taxed heavily. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.