*Men's Pearls of Wisdom*

· *1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big penis or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.*

· *2. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.*

· *3. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'*

· *4. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.*

· *5. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.*

· *6. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.*

· *7. Virginity can be cured.*

· *8. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.*

· *9. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.*

· *10. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

· *11.Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.*

· *12. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.*

· *13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......*

· *14. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man*s life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.*

· *15. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.*

· *16. Despite the old saying, ' Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!*