This is so wrong... Happy Christmas!

Merry Xmas everyone...

Having drunk enough wine to float a boat... being mistaken to be gay... meeting new and exciting people... eating the best lamb chops ever later...

I can honestly say it was quite an ok Xmas afterall.

Happy Christmas!

Is this true?

The First Christmas Joke of the Year

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.

He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates", said Saint Peter.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just how do those symbolize Christmas?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

And so the holiday season begins...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Jokes for the Day

1. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

2. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with a gal?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

3. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

4. Virginity is not dignity. It's lack of opportunity.

5. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

6. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Monday Laughs

Aging Aunt Mildred is a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night... Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

What Men Know About Women

The Ironies of Life

One starts, another ends.

Friday Funnies

A man went on business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.

He went to a shop and found a nice looking DVD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, "GUARANTEE NO SPOILT."

Feeling assured, he paid for the DVD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the DVD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, "Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left."

Greetings of the Season

Confused

Eventhough I know I pissed her off / hurt her badly / was cruel / hurt her again / took her for granted / said things to hurt her / told her I need to move on...

I still jump whenever an email comes into my inbox, hoping its her.

Am I confused or what?

Milk?

Its Official

I'm a year older. Hopefully wiser.

Looking back, the year that has passed was good to me. I was happy, healthy and loved.

I just need to learn to grow up a bit more. (mentally, and not horizontally.)

Thanks to all who sent their birthday wishes! =)

Edit: As if my body is trying to fight getting older, I'm having a breakout of pimples. =(

Poison

I am poison.

Feminist's Point of View

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in nappies.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander, it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same. They just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

The Grouch

I have this colleague who is perpetually happy. She sings hyms, chirps and walks with a bounce in her step and all this with her teeth showing in a perpetual smile.

I usually have no problem with that. But I'm being a grouch today and it just sucks to see her happy. I just want to trip her or something...

Forgive me, I rant.

I Tell Myself Everyday...

That I should embark on a new life today...

But why is it so hard to do so?

What It Should Have Been....

It should have been a happy day today.

A milestone in the journey of life...

But alas, it is not.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I think, its best not to try too hard... and not chase after everything...

Sometimes, I think, its best not to keep your hopes up... lest you get too disappointed.

Get Your Xmas Goodies Here!

Its Xmas again! Time to get your delicious Xmas goodies from Chris' Pantry!

The Visit from a Dear Friend

The Warden of my hall in University, where I spent 3 fun-filled years is down in the “Far East” (or so he calls S.E Asia) for a few weeks as he attends and is the best man for a few of his ex-student’s weddings.

Over the years, we have become very close, and he is a very dear friend of mine. We have not seen each other since my graduation in 2004, and so when I saw him last week, it was a long awaited meeting.

We caught up with the lives of each other, reminisced about the past, spoke of the University, discussed random topics such as the systems of education… it was just like to good old days, and it was refreshing, as if not a day had passed since we last met.

That’s the thing with good friends. Where time, distance does not matter. As long as the affection and respect for each other exists.

I’m thankful, I have friends like these.

But other times, I wonder if that’s enough for me…

Of Taking Photos in Threes and being Comfortable Alone

I was at a party on Saturday night. It was good to celebrate Thanksgiving with your friends, and to be surrounded by laughter, lots of indiscriminate teasing, and being able to catch up with those people that you don’t get to see very often. And of course, to give thanks for the year that has passed.

The host is an avid photographer. He is able to take the most amazing shots of sunsets, wildlife that you have ever seen.

So there he was, walking around, taking photos of everyone at the party.

Unfortunately, but as usually is the case now, everyone was “coupled up”. You know when you are that age where all your friends are with someone? There were one or two persons who were not together with their partners, but they had come with a sibling, cousin etc… you get my drift. I was the only one there alone.

For the rest of the night, I was a plus one to couple / sibling shots. I’m sure my friends didn’t mind, and I certainly didn’t, but what got me thinking was how people are complete until they have partners. These partners could be Girl-Girl, Boy-Boy, or Boy-Girl, it doesn’t matter. As much as I was having fun, I could see my friends having more fun, because they have someone special in their lives.

I’m honestly happy for them, and they are really happy now. Which is what matters, really.

Which brings me to the second half of the title. I’ve met many friends, who have said that they are comfortable being alone. And how they don’t mind spending the weekend just lazing about at home. To that, I have 2 thoughts. One, I used to think I liked that, but I realised that the only reason why I could not mind spending time alone, was because I knew I had the option not to. Two, I believe that as much as people say that they are comfortable being alone, they will actually like not to be, or be given the option to be with someone.

Pardon the emo post on a Monday morning.

Of Roadblocks on a Monday Night

I was stopped at a road block last night. It was fortunate that I had refused the beer that the Warden had offered me after dinner.

There were 4 thoughts that struck me after I cleared the road block.

Firstly, the location. I have never seen a road block along Upp Paya Lebar Road before. Its too near to the Traffic Police HQ, and hence I’ve always thought there would not be a need to have one. (the roads swarm with the white bikes anyway)

Secondly, it was Monday night. I have never seen a roadblock on a Monday night. The only weekday nights I have seen roadblocks are on Wednesday and Friday nights.

Thirdly, they had a new tactic. Instead of asking you to wind down the window and trying to smell your breath by asking you some random questions, instead, they stick the breathalyser without the tube into your face, and ask you for name and IC number. If you fail, then they will ask you to step out and blow into the tube. The scary thing is that even the first cut test has now gotten quantitative.

Lastly, I was surprised that they did 100% checks. All cars, bikes and even lorries were stopped. No one was waved on.

I guess the message is that with the festive season approaching. They are stepping up their enforcement. Don’t play play. The location has become random, on any day, with 100% checks using the machines. It’s not worth it.

However, if I have one thing to add, it is that the roadblock was a TP roadblock and not a Police Division roadblock. If you ever get stopped at one, pray it’s the latter.

Drive safe!

Tired

One very vivid dream about my car being stolen later...

I wake up feeling exhausted... Time for bed...

Those Ang Mohs will believe anything!

They thought they were drinking from traditional Chinese beer mugs!

Thoughts

I was in a meeting last Friday and this thought came to me...

A short term strategy is definitely more fulfilling. The returns are more immediate, and definitely more gratifying. But a long term strategy is harder to play, but at the risk of no rewards at all, may offer greater rewards.

Sigh...

My Horoscope for Today

Your sense of happiness has been associated with someone or something through the force of habit. You'll be absolutely surprised when you find that you can actually live quite comfortably without that thing or person in your life. This is a cycle of renewed self-respect.

Habits

I've come to realise that I'm a creature of habit.

I responded to a fairly abstract question today, not realising that I have already answered it previously. And lo and behold, the answer was identical.

I'm not sure whether that is good or bad, but at least now I know something more about myself.

Bad, Good, Excellent

I Ain't Making this Up IV

There is no interpretation of my dream last night on the site. Wonder what a frond-less papaya tree might represent?

Addicted

I Ain't Making this Up III

Dreamt of cooking last night. I'm seriously taking an interest in the Interpretation of Dreams now.

I Ain't Making this Up II

My dream from last night was lighting a campfire with her...

I Ain't Making this Shite Up!

No wonder I've been having nightmares about Zombies.

I Asked But She Said No...

Taken From PostSecret.

Karma

Do you believe in Karma?

I do.

And after lunch today, I believe that I'm not just bearing my own. =(

Hiding

I've been avoiding the areas of Suntec, Marina, Bishan and AMK for about a month now.

One day, I hope to be able to go there freely again... soon...

Wandering / Wondering...

I can't help myself, but my mind constantly wanders to thoughts of her...

And I wonder...

Creating a lot of questions, for which I have no answers...

Hope, Faith and Love

I wrote about this earlier in the year.

Then, it was about reaching out to your fellow man, to show some concern to those who think they have no one else who cares, and to make a difference to their day and for a brief moment, take the bitterness away from their tired lives.

I'm writing on this title today with regards to relationships.

I think sometimes, in order to make a relationship work, its about having hope, that somethings may/have/will change.

To have faith and trust in your partner.

And of course, to love him/her whole-heartedly.

I hope this message rings out to at least one of my readers. Because in recent weeks, I have realised how I have failed in all fronts. Much to my great regret.

And so now, I am this fool, hoping for a call to come... although I don't believe it will.

Choices

We all make many choices throughout the day.

Most are small and don't matter. Be it what to wear today, what letters to place on the scrabble board or what to eat for lunch.

And then there are those which could seriously affect your own life, or the lives of people around you.

I have made some bad choices in life. As much as I tell myself that I should not regret making them, that is, had I been placed in the identical situation today, I would have made the same call... there are those which I shall hold myself responsible for the rest of my life.

I've been watching My Name is Earl. In fact, I've almost completed 2 seasons worth in 2 weeks.

There are some episodes where the protagonist realises that some of the bad things he did actually helped make the affected the party better (change in life, making them a better person etc)

So, if you believe that our lives are written in a book somewhere somehow when we were conceived, I cannot help but think...

Does everything happen for a reason?

Twitch

My right upper eyelid is twitching incessantly...

Google (the most up to date of doctors) says that it can mean:

1. That something good is going to happen to me
2. Someone is talking / thinking of me
3. I have low electrolyte levels of potassium and calcium
4. My right eye is tired

Hopefully is Number 1. Although I did play badminton on Sunday and Monday, and I haven't been sleeping enough either. =P

On an unrelated note, my bum bum hurts from playing badminton. =(

Just In Case...

Just in case anyone is wondering...

I'm not writing here for anyone to feel sorry for me.

The last time I wrote like this was many years ago. But I guess the feeling is the same this time round too.

I'm writing here so that I won't forget how I'm feeling. And one day in the future, perhaps, I can look back and smile at this.

Formula One

In a most exciting, nail biting (would Lewis catch up? will someone crash in the last 10 laps?), accident filled (first time i've seen pit crew run over), kelong (Kimi overtake & Lewis gear shift problems?), brilliant display of team work (Ferrari at turn one), display of why Alonso would not be in McLaren next year (also turn one) race at Interlagos this morning.

Ferrari has emerged World Champions through Kimi by one point!

Was a great race. I'm going to be sleepy for the rest of the day now. =(

Weekend

Had an event filled weekend consisting of work, poker, badminton, a barbecue.

But why do I feel like I haven't accomplished everything? That as much as I know that I would have nothing to do otherwise, that I cannot wait to run home?

I is f@&$ed up.

About Relationships

No More.

Its over.

But I cannot come to terms with it.

It was my fault, but I cannot help but ask why.

They say men take it easier than women, but I don't think so.

Never Say Never

Never thought I would drunk dial ever again. Thought I was past that....

But I drunk smsed instead. Hope I didn't screw it up again. =(

I is F&@*#! Up

I am so f@#$&% up that I can't even keep a promise to myself.

How screwed up am i?

Sigh sigh....

...

Denial
Anger
Depression
Bargaining
Acceptance

Weekend

Its the weekend. But is there anything to look forward to?

Fear

To begin reintegrating into society

Good & Bad

The good and bad thing about my new office is that by 6.30, only about 5% of the staff are left. No chance to work late cos they will lock up by 7pm.

Good or bad?

Sucks though, if you are rushing a deadline.

Ouch

What causes ulcers in the mouth? They hurt!

Not All Here

I feel like I have lost a bit of my soul.

Am I'm not all here.

Distracted and careless.

Pictures of Words

Empty

A wasted weekend. Nothing doing, nothing done.

Just a void.

This Has Been Said Before...

Only in times of crisis, do you know who you true friends are.

But you wonder if some of them know you at all.

What Would You Do?

If this ex-colleague of yours keeps messaging you online, telling you about who he has slept with, how good his job is, that he is earning big money on the stock market....

And you are seriously not interested / impressed.

I'm too polite to tell him to fxxx off but also, i'm getting quite irritated by his nonsense.

Sleep

Does not come easy to those burdened by guilt and weighed down with emotions.

Maligned

For all good intentions. Accused of schemes when there were none.

Your words against mine. The burden of proof is for me to prove, if I only get the chance to.

Too Little, Too Late

These four words, keep replaying in my head.

Tired

Is my mind, body and soul.

Empty

Best describes the way I feel now.

Like a shell of my former self. Walking around in automatic mode. Seeing but not processing information.

Management Meant Well

Rain

I woke up this morning to grey skies and pouring torrents.

Its like someone knew how I was feeling and in some contrived way, it just made me feel a little better, even if it was just for a little while.

Blanks

There are now blanks, where my life used to be.

Tea

Nothing like a hot cup of tea to warm the cockles of your frozen soul.

Sinking

Sinking
.
.
.
.
.
.
Feels heavy
.
.
.
.
.
.
So I sink
.
.
.
.
.
.
A weight loss program is in order.

Sound Deep

Haven't we all experienced people who try to sound deep but fail because they don't understand the meanings of the words that come out of their mouths?

"supply chain management of XX product" upon clarification, the information required was the "distribution channels of XX product".

Sheesh!

Research

My research on Google has shown that "Benji" is an extremely popular name for a dog.

Especially for border collie and schnauzer breeds.

Weird eh?

And a lot of them seem to go missing.

Quote of the Day

All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion and desire.

Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

Greek critic, philosopher, physicist and zoologist

Insecurity

I think insecurity is a bitch. Its feels like an evil devil that chips away at your heart, your soul...

And the worst thing is, you put it there. Or in my case, I planted the seed and nurtured it.

I fear we have gone too far down the slope to get back up again.

I am sad.

This post is meant to be cryptic.

Great Ad

6 Affairs

The 1st Affair:

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they
fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and
rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.

"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!"

_____


The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at
the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind
my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

_____


The 3rd Affair:

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a
startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!


"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be
cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for
posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

_____


The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it so
much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at
the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

_____


The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied,

"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

_____


The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your
best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Brain Exercise

4 criminals are caught and are to be punished. The Judge allows them to be freed if they can solve a puzzle. If they do not, they will be hung. They agreed.

The 4 criminals are lined up on some steps (shown in picture). They are all facing in the same direction. A wall separates the 4th man from the other 3.

So to summarize:

• Man 1 can see Men 2 and 3.

• Man 2 can see Man 3.

• Man 3 can see none of the others.

• Man 4 can see none of the others.

The criminals are wearing hats. They are told that there are two white hats and two black hats. The men initially don't know what colour hat they are wearing. They are told to shout out the colour of the hat that they are wearing as soon as they know for certain what colour it is.

• They are not allowed to turn round or move.

• They are not allowed to talk to each other.

• They are not allowed to take their hats off.

Who is the first person to shout out and why?

Note: There is no trick to the question, just logical deduction.

Scroll down for the solution to the puzzle...

Answer:

The man who calls out is Number 2.

Why?

After a short time, Number 1 has not shouted out what colour hat he is wearing. Because of this number 2 knows that he cannot be wearing the same colour hat as the person in front of him. If he was then number 1 would see two black hats and would therefore know that his hat must be white.

Armed with the knowledge that:

• He isn't wearing the same colour hat as the man in front.

• The man in front is wearing a black hat.

• Number two can confidently shout out that the hat he is wearing is white.

Easy, wasn't it?

Oh Shucks, Its Monday...

Monday blues...

TGIF

THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
"Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father, surprised,
answers, "Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a
woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties &
forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After
fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them, and they
make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how
many types of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and
answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties,
his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties &
forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his
fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree??"

"Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

The Why's of Men - from a girl's perspective

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Guess Which One is Me?

My dear friend Chris made these too cute to eat cupcakes to represent each person at her hubby's bday party!

Guess which one is me?

The best thing is, you can order them for your own parties too! And lots more other delicious goodies! Go check her blog out!

Sorry...

Been a bum... so haven't been blogging! Will write soon!

New Words for 2007

New Words

* TESTICULATING.
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING.
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a Project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER.
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
Then leaves.

* ASSMOSIS.
The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by
sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

* SALMON DAY.
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING.
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SITCOMs.
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

* SINBAD.
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE.
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

* ADMINISPHERE.
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly
inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to
solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

* OH - NO SECOND.
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS.
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show
their level of training.

* GOING FOR A McSHIT.
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog.(Loo) If challenged by a pimply staff member,
your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known
as a McShit with Lies.

* MILLENNIUM DOMES.
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* SALAD DODGER.
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* MYSTERY BUS.
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
Toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so
the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* MYSTERY TAXI.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake
up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your
bed instead.

* BEER COAT.
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise
At 3:00am.

* BEER COMPASS.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze
cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how
you got here, and where you've come from.

* BREAKING THE SEAL.
Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.