The Island

I was at Junction 8 last night watching The Island. For awhile, I was worried that I'd not find anyone to watch it with. It was one of those movies with trailers that make you NOT want to catch it. However, good reviews online and people waxing lyrical about Scarlett and Ewan the plot whetted my appetite. I was worried that I'd had no one to watch it with because my buddy Ed, whom I always catch movies with has already upped and left for Aussieland. And my other usual partner, well...

Anyway, fortunately, someone had the same "pin in the backside" as me and did not mind watching a late nighter. The movie was good, plot was fast and exciting, cinematography was one of the better for an action movie...

You should go catch it. And oh, does anyone want to watch Fantastic 4 with me?

Haunted...

Sleep did not come easy last night, even after I've crawled into bed at 4... and read a book till 6. I imagined I would be tired by then, and hence would get undisturbed sleep... But once again, I was wrong.

I did go out like a light once I hit the sack, but I was haunted, haunted by dreams. I must have had 6 dreams last night, and the worse part of them was that they were the kind that one could remember vividly when you get up.

Dreams of grave digging, old people, friends... I wouldn't call them nightmares, cos they weren't exactly scary... Just oddly disturbing...

Oh well.

Ramblings

I woke up this morning at 9 even though I crawled into bed at 4. For some reason, something someone said last night burned in my head, and prevented me for getting some well needed rest after the long week.

As I sit in front of the computer, not exactly concentrating on the anime that's playing, a few random thoughts flitted through my head.

1. I am messed up. Really messed up. Sigh...

2. But fortunately, I don't have to clear a mess like my friend JY made with a woman.

3. I like rain... nothing beats sitting in your bed, hearing the rain on the roof, a book in hand, and jazz in the background.

4. Weekends are good. I love the fact that I can hang around in my shorts, and go out in slippers. Tie and monkey suit - away.

5. Went to the kitchen. Rain floods the drains around my house. Usually the vermin that live in these deep recesses run for dry land. Kitchen smells of cockcroaches. Mom's going to have a fit later.

6. Why did I do something THAT silly last night? Crazy. Look at Point 1.

Oh well, have a good weekend people. I know I will.

Heart

My boss went to see his cardiologist yesterday. Apparently, he felt 'tightness' in his chest at lunch. I think he is a hypocondriac and a worrier, because he did not have the classic symptoms of a heart attack. You know, cold clammy skin, numbness in his arms et cetera. But hey, I'm not going to tell him he needn't see his doctor....

What I didn't tell him was that if I was like him, I would have been warded for chest pains all of last week.

And then, today, she said hi. My heart skipped a beat. In fact, its going into overdrive now. Feeling quite ill.

Sigh. Be still, my heart.

Its in your head...

Have you ever heard a song and then it subconciously imprints itself in your head?

The song stuck in my head now is Angels by Robbie Williams. In fact, I'm subconciously humming it...

Angels

Sometimes... For example during this rough patch I'm going through...

I'm glad that I have Angels in my life.

You know who you are.

S

Just realised that my last 5 posts were entitled with a subject that started with the letter 'S'. Odd coincidence.

Smells...

It's funny. I never truly appreciated the smell of Pleasures by Estee Lauder until I lost it.

I was waiting for a train home when this office girl standing next to me smelt oddly familiar. Then, out of the blue, I was struck by a huge flashback that hit me like brick. As you can probably tell by now, I'm pretty much a smell person. I love how a woman smells.

Pleasures by Estee Lauder and Blue by Polo Ralph. 2 distinct scents. 2 loves of my life. Gone.

These two scents will never smell the same to me again.

It's funny how your mind works with memories sometimes. Oh well.

Shower

This is going to be my last depressing post. I promise. Well the reasons for this is simple. She would have liked it for me to be happy and I don't want her to feel guilty of sorts. Another reason is because, there is no reason to cry over spilt milk. I had a chance, and I blew it. I can only blame myself.

-------------------------

I stood under the shower. Hoping the cool water would wash away my tears and calm the rage I felt within me.

I stood there, shaking, angry at the person i was.

And finally, I was spent. Dried up inside. I'm born, anew.

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It's raining outside. Its like the sky is feeling my pain. Grey, gloomy and endless droplets. But at the end of rain, there is rebirth. Rain is cleansing. If I did not have to work today, I would have stood in the rain, a baptism from nature. But...

Strength

Thank You all who have left messages. You have really given me strength to face the situations. I'm going to meet her again tonight. I hope to get her back. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Screaming Inside

Suddenly, Munch's Scream holds new meaning for me. The silent scream...

Sunday

Today was one of those Sundays where I didn't get out of bed. And although it would have been better if there was someone IN bed with me, I was alone.

Holding Book 5 of the Harry Potter series, I drifted in and out of sleep. The tele was on, but I wasn't paying attention to it.

I reflected about my life this past week, whether what someone said to me about my character made sense, about the new people I met at Hideout on Thursday, about the one who kept me up all night twice this week.

I was a good boy too. The family was out in JB shopping, so I did all the chores after dinner. (Mom left a list) Polished my shoes, kept the clothes, moved stuff around.

I am feeling very pensive. In one of those moods where I don't want to talk nor interact, but don't want to be alone either. I think I will go down somewhere, to watch the world go by.

Tap

I think the greatest trap after the end of any relationship is the one where you start feeling sorry for yourself.

I suppose that is why some people choose to surround themselves with friends, or perhaps fill their day up with activities so as not to give themselves time to think about things.

I had this conversation with someone the other morning, and she came to the conclusion that with regards to her ex, her tap was closed shut. I wanted to tell her that it was impossible to shut off one’s feelings for another totally, and emotions are not something we can just turn out backs to and move on easily. But perhaps I didn’t want to disagree with her, or perhaps at some level, I felt that there was some truth in her statement, so I left it at that.

I’ve tried this shutting of the tap for this past week, and it does help. It’s the convincing of yourself that there was no hope in this relationship, and that it is OVER. It helps in moving on, in carrying on with your life…

But then, like a shut tap, I won’t deny that there are moments of weakness, where a drop or two, of happy memories we once shared drip through the gap. There is nothing that can be done to prevent this, and in fact, it is good that this happens, cos it shows that you are still human, and not totally devoid of emotion.

But I guess its what you do with this droplet of memories. For me, its perhaps better to shut the tap tighter.

Cookies

I was just clearing out my office drawer and saw an old cookie box. Sigh. The memories...

Life Lessons Learnt from a Tortoise

As I stood in the stairwell of my office, taking a break and staring into the world outside, my brain numb from work, and my body aching for sleep, I couldn't help but reflect and contemplate on the meaning of life and all.

Then there it was. In the canal that my office overlooks. A tortoise, no larger than a box of tissue paper swimming against the flow of current of the water. It was a futile swim, because as hard as the little creature paddled, it was not moving from where its position, because the current nullfied its movement. Immediately, four thoughts came into my mind.

1. Ain't I glad I'm not it.

2. That as much as I hate my life now, there are others who have it worse than me. I should be grateful for what I have instead.

3. That life is a constant struggle, and sometimes, it just happens that we might not be moving forward even though we are paddling like crazy.

4. And that eventually, we either sink, drown and die, or make it to our destination. Its how hard we try. Give up and death is certain.

Break over, back to work.

What I Feared

In the end, it was what I had feared. It would have been 3 months tomorrow.

A couple of friends are at the edge of a full relationship. But they are not sure if the parties they are dating are what they want. I tell them, go, try, because if you never try, you never know, and may live to regret not having taken that chance.

And if you must try, give it a 100%, because if not, it is not worth trying.

But if you give a 100%, you put yourself at risk to get hurt when it doesn't work out.

Relationships are like a game of Russian Roulette, if you are lucky, you won't get shot down. All we can do however, is to pick up the gun, put it to our heads, pull the trigger, and hope its a "click".

A Song to Remember

"The Blowers Daughter"

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Damien Rice, The Blower's Daughter. From a movie I watched last night, trying to fill the void before sleep overcomes.

The Nail in the Coffin

Its may have happened to me several times before. But one can never get used to the feeling.

It feels as if someone has driven a hot nail through your heart, and you finally understand the meaning of the word gut-wrenching. Its like someone stuck his hand in your abdomen, and is twisting your intestines. Its a sickening feeling.

Once more, sleep does not come easy. You lie awake in bed, eyes closed, trying hard not to think. But inevitably, you start reminscing of happier times. You hug the pillow she had rested on, trying to extract the last drops of her essence. You convince yourself that it must be better this way, and all will fall in place in the grand scheme of things. You toss and turn, in denial that things were just not meant to be, but somewhere within, you know that you are just lying to yourself.

Someone at BloggersCon asked me why I started to blog. I replied that it was in response to a broken heart. Who knew that I would revisit this feeling of loss and pain so soon again?

Death Row

There are days like these were you feel like you are on the death row. Your stomach is unsettled, emotions edgy and your brain is going over-drive. Perhaps its because you know, that something is going to happen. Something you are not looking forward to, but will happen. Oh well. Lets face it like a man.

What I Accomplished Over the Weekend

I stayed up late over the weekend to finish this book. It was quite a let down, and not as good as the previous books, but it does promise for a heckuva finale!

Tired

Tired. Dazed. Stoned. My eyes are glazed from the lack of sleep. Like a bad buzz you get from having over-induldged from a night out, my head is throbbing.

Sleep did not come easy last night. I earned every waking moment till my head hit the pillow.

Sweet relief, but it was brief.

Wish me luck getting through the day.

Boggles

There are those situations that make you just scratch your head and wonder....

Like this morning, when I was standing at the urinal, taking a leak.

How does one get pee on top of the urinal?

Really. There was this yellow dried up watermark on the top flat surface of the urinal. High stream? Or just outta control?

The mind boggles.

On a much lighter note: Its the Weekend!

Joy

Joy is - finally getting a wireless connection set up. I am connected to the WORLD!!! 

Be There or Be Square

Initial D

I watched the movie Initial D last week Thursday. Good movie, and no matter what other people say, I think Jay Chou was the most apt actor to take on the role. Same type of person as the comic. The stunts were great - never knew cars could drift like that in real life, and the love interest in the movie looked coincidentally a lot like Lisa. One gripe though, the movie was not concruent to the comics. But hey, they did say it was "adapted" from the comics. So nothing wrong there. Should go watch it.

Double Vision

I'm getting double vision as my boss is 1 metre away from me and talking. Not good.

KL Weekend

It was all good, except that it sure hurt to get out of bed this morning to go to work.

KL was good. Lots of food, lots of drink, lots of fun.

Ate good roast goose.
Drank copius amounts of vodka. KL drinks are weak, must buy bottle. They only have Carl's, which is shite beer.
Sped shopped in Sungei Wang.
Broke my friend's Merc.
Friends got into a fight at Poppy.
Westin had comfortable beds. That we slept in and stayed up to 7 in the morning chatting.
Maggi Mee Goreng is amazing, so is Ramly burger and teh-tarik after a night out at 4 am.
Malaysians are really funky people and the clubs fantastic.
Driving fast on the NS Highway is thrilling - but you have to be a bully.

All in all, it was a good weekend and was entirely recharging. Can't wait to do it again.

P.S Would love to type more, but I'm already in the office and work beckons. Details soon!

Narcolepsy

Have you heard of narcolepsy?

Does anyone know what causes the condition? This condition causes sufferers to fall asleep suddenly and without warning, and when they wake, they don't realise they have fallen asleep.

This has happened to me twice this week. Its always in meetings and I suddenly blank out. I know my eyes are open, but I'm unconcious of whats happening around me. This usually lasts for 1 - 2 secs before I shake out of it. But it inevitably comes back within the next 10 secs or so...

In hindsight, its maybe cos the meetings were boring, and I didn't understand anything that was said. And its probably not a medical condition, but rather the result of too many late nights. Sigh... I have a set of VERY interesting minutes to type after lunch.

Damn.

Read it and have a laugh.

Batman

Went to watch the Batman movie last night. Movie was good. A bit slow at times, but good. I want his car... it actually exists in real life and is not a prop car. It was built by a British company some more.

But staying out till 1am on a work night is a bad idea. I'm so going to pay for it today.

As a friend would say - It sucks to be me.

Hauntings

When you work in an office, there is always talk of the office poltergeist. You know, the photocopier that runs by itself when you are alone in the office, the sounds of footsteps... etc.

My colleague ran into one after lunch today.

He walked to the stairwell next to the toilet to take a smoke. But he walked back, saying that he couldn't because there was a Muslim woman in white doing her prayers there. Now, thats odd, cos there are only 2 companies on the level and none of us employs a Muslim lady - or at least not that I know of.

So I walked to the stairwell to take a look.

There was no one there. It was only 2 mins between when he walked back and when I walked out to check. Freaky.

Hmm... Its close to 8 and I'm working in the office alone. Hmm...

Silver Linings

I've realised that one way to survive the week is to constantly be optimistic and pepper it with silver linings. And for this week, it appears that these may include...

1. Meeting the GF for dinner.
2. Meeting frens for a movie. (Batman - tonight!)
3. Going to KL for lots of booze and fun on the weekend!
4. Dad coming back from India. (Yay!)

More to come? Back to work. Urgh.

She...

She came and left and like a quick breeze.
Brief and welcomed but to unsatisfying.
It was good while it lasted.
Extacsy she brought me.
I close my eyes and dream of the next time she visits.

The weekend.

Alright, back to work. Sigh.

P.S. I slept 3 hours last night. I was tossing and turning in bed. Was it the tea I had at CoffeeClub after dinner that caused it? Or perhaps I just didn't want to close my eyes, knowing that when I open them, the weekend would be over.

Places I've Been

I chanced upon this link. Most of the European countries were seen whilst I was a student... Next stop - New York, USA. To see my darling girl YJ and her fiance Steve-O!

create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide