The Orchard Road Gauntlet

Walking around Orchard Road has become a hazard. Walk down any stretch today and you risk getting hounded by all sorts of characters. Here's a rundown of the "obstacles" you will encounter and the best way to deal with them. Begin, the Orchard Road Gauntlet.

• The Leaflet Pushers

People who await their prey at the end of escalators or at the doorways of buildings. They wait for you to come closer before shoving scraps of paper into your face. How to deal with them? Well they are not asking you to buy anything / commit to spending money, so take the pamphlet and read it. If you don't like what you see then dump the flyer at the next rubbish/recycling bin.

• The Insurance Salesman

You can be walking down the road minding your own business when one of these people either jump (literally) up to you or tap you on the shoulder. Fight the urge to punch the poor sod in his face or scream, "Assault"! That's step one.

They usually start by asking you if you have protection or savings. I've realised the best way to get rid of them is by saying you already have a financial adviser from Prudential/GEastern/Aviva or any other reputable insurer and that you are covered. Do this as you have one hand raised infront of their faces and shaking your head without breaking stride. This usually works. Saying you have no money or savings usually bring up a new bevy of questions.

• The Unlicensed Street Collector (this is the inspiration for this post)

A new and recently discovered anomaly. Taking advantage of the naviety and generosity of Singaporeans. Underdressed youths who try to get you to buy a "donation ticket" or an overpriced trinket by asking you to write your name down on some form - as if to create a false sense of legitimacy. They are usually representing some non-existent charity or cause. (today I got approached for some fictional job creation charity)

Ask to see their Charity registration number and the copy of the Street to Street Collection permit. The 16 year old girl I today showed me a Business Registration - I told her off for doing something illegal and she almost cried. She tried again by showing me a letter of award for the installation of manhole covers (no kidding) at Sentosa Cove. I asked what the relevance was. She couldn't answer.

After challenging them, they would usually shy away.

• The Dumb Soft-Toy Seller

They come up to you with a fistful of toys and a B5 sized card stating their purpose. Point to your throat and pretend to be dumb too. Then walk away.

• The Pretend Survey-taker aka MLM or Timeshare Seller

These hawks work in layers. That is, if you can scurry past one, you'll still get stopped by another. They also work using pressure tactics, so never give them the time of day.

Even if they just stop you to fill up a form - don't. You are just giving your personal information to an unscrupulous company who will pass it on to some direct marketing company. Then you get endless phone calls asking you to buy crap.

• The School Children with Cans

They are like gnats in Summer- everywhere. Especially since now they are allowed to collect every Sunday and every Wednesday of the school holidays. However, they are usually legal so give or not is entirely up to you. My mother likens the first donation as the payment of a "protection" fee. Pay to get one of those stickers and they will leave alone for the rest of the day.

• *NEW* The Credit Card People

Forgot about this one. Maybe its because I'm usually so shabbily casually dressed that they don't approach me. To get out of this one, just shake your head, and say, "I would love to, but I'm an undischarged bankrupt." Put on a mournful look and you'll be perfect!

I hope this helps you, the reader in getting out of the situation without having to waste 5 mins of your life listening to a sales pitch. If all else fails, then plug in your headphones as you take your stroll down Orchard Road, and put on the grumpiest face you can muster. That usually works for me...