Wednesday, December 26, 2007

This is so wrong... Happy Christmas!

Merry Xmas everyone...

Having drunk enough wine to float a boat... being mistaken to be gay... meeting new and exciting people... eating the best lamb chops ever later...

I can honestly say it was quite an ok Xmas afterall.

Happy Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The First Christmas Joke of the Year

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.

He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates", said Saint Peter.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's knickers. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just how do those symbolize Christmas?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

And so the holiday season begins...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Jokes for the Day

1. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

2. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with a gal?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

3. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

4. Virginity is not dignity. It's lack of opportunity.

5. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

6. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday Laughs

Aging Aunt Mildred is a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night... Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Friday, December 14, 2007

The Ironies of Life

One starts, another ends.

Friday Funnies

A man went on business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.

He went to a shop and found a nice looking DVD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, "GUARANTEE NO SPOILT."

Feeling assured, he paid for the DVD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the DVD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, "Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left."

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Greetings of the Season

Confused

Eventhough I know I pissed her off / hurt her badly / was cruel / hurt her again / took her for granted / said things to hurt her / told her I need to move on...

I still jump whenever an email comes into my inbox, hoping its her.

Am I confused or what?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Milk?

Its Official

I'm a year older. Hopefully wiser.

Looking back, the year that has passed was good to me. I was happy, healthy and loved.

I just need to learn to grow up a bit more. (mentally, and not horizontally.)

Thanks to all who sent their birthday wishes! =)

Edit: As if my body is trying to fight getting older, I'm having a breakout of pimples. =(

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Feminist's Point of View

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in nappies.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander, it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same. They just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The Grouch

I have this colleague who is perpetually happy. She sings hyms, chirps and walks with a bounce in her step and all this with her teeth showing in a perpetual smile.

I usually have no problem with that. But I'm being a grouch today and it just sucks to see her happy. I just want to trip her or something...

Forgive me, I rant.

I Tell Myself Everyday...

That I should embark on a new life today...

But why is it so hard to do so?

What It Should Have Been....

It should have been a happy day today.

A milestone in the journey of life...

But alas, it is not.