Lawyer Jokes

The Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked..

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.

"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left..

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.. There were no discounts. The price was still
£5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh ."

"Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Prawning...

Had my first prawning experience last Sat with some friends...

The evening got off to a bad start, with me tripping over someone's rod and snapping it clean in two. In my defence, the eediot left his rod at an angle on his chair while re-baiting it - which he shouldn't have.

That of course didn't matter to the pond operator who snakily gave me the evil eye when I was pointed out as the person who broke the rod.

Prawning is boring. Sure, it takes a certain level of skill and deft touch to jerk the rod the moment the prawn bites, but when you have 40 people sticking their rods into the brackish pond, you are probably looking at quite some time before you get a bite!

In short, prawning is not for me. In the words of LO, I'd rather use dynamite.

Riding Update

For some reason, the chorus of Born to Be Wild echos in my brain. hurhur.

Riding

Dad got a bike over the weekend, and I took it out.

Haven't ridden on roads since I obtained my license eons ago, so it was a little scary at first. That and the fact that this was an old jalopy, a China-made moped that has seen better days... and the fact that it was a clutch-less vehicle made it all the more "different".

But 2 rides around the estate later, I took it out onto the roads.

There is something romantic about riding in the wee hours of the morning, with the cool night air, empty roads, and this vibrating machine between your legs.

But dang, that machine vibrates more than a scrambler, and one can still feel the shakes after you get off it...

Time to get a cool looking helmet to mismatch the jalopy. =P

Clearly They Did Not Think This Through

see more Fail Blog

Notting Hill

Random thought just popped into my head.

Life ain't simple. But we'll just trudge through it till we see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyone remember the line from the movie, which Julia Roberts said to Hugh Grant?

TGIF

I'm glad its Friday. Been one of those weeks.

Pic is also appropriate because I had a conversation last night with someone who agrees that the Simpson's Movie sucked a**.

Is anyone still a fan of the show?

Quote of the Day

You are just like school in summertime - No class.

Hurhur.... ouch.

Metaphor

Love is a 2-way street.

Sometimes, it needs paving and repairs, sometimes there are obstacles which need clearing.

Both sides must be clear for travel.

And so, sometimes, we need to break out the steam-roller.

What We Really Want

We hardly get what we really want. As such:

1. When we do get it, let us be really thankful and appreciate it.
2. If we don't then we have to fight for it. Things aren't going to fall on your lap.

Waiting

Waiting for something you really want to happen is the most painful experience ever.

A Rainbow Need Not Be an Arch

Pic taken from my phone. Would explain its clarity (or lackthereof)

Was out shopping with my brother when we looked up and saw this. If you look closely, there is a rainbow lining the edge of the clouds. It was a beautiful sight, and a rare one.

It got me thinking. We tend to look at things with a fixed perception. Like how a rainbow (or good luck) needs to look/feel a certain way. I think sometimes, we need to see good things happening as they happen, regardless of shape or form.

Wrong Wrong Wrong

Click on link to see utter b*llocks.

Its SAFE FOR WORK.

Breathing Fire

I'm feeling so heaty right now, I swear I'm breathing fire.

I blame the weather, lack of sleep, glorious durian puffs from Goodwood Park Hotel courtesy of my sis-in-law and rich food.

Gosh.

Anyone with any folk remedies to recommend?

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Caught this movie mid-week.

It was as expected, a warm, fuzzy romantic comedy. The plot was paper-thin, the acting was irritating at some parts (McConaughey is just a little too "southern" for my liking).

The movie had a whole Christmas-feel to it as it was set in winter, and if you know the story of Ebenezer Scrooge - you will know how the plot goes. So somehow, it felt out of place in June, in the middle of a heatwave. Perhaps, they could have released the film some other time?

All in all, it was entertaining, and recommended as a date movie. =)

Oh, a line from the movie.

The power in a relationship lies in the party who loves less. But you can't find happiness with power.

So just give up control. And just go with the flow. (last 2 lines are mine)

True.

Mind F*ck

All your exit signs belong to us. =P

Funny

The Tun Shoots His Mouth Off

Link

And hits his foot instead.

The Downward Spiral

We recognise it. Why do we put ourselves in these situations?

Taken off PostSecret

A New Take on H1N1

Tioman

Went for my first leisure dive over the weekend. Tioman is nice, and it helps that it is a marine park, so there is much more life underwater.

Saw a wide variety of live coral, juvenile fish, a family of batfish, a green turtle... etc.

Accommodation was acceptable, better than my last dive trip to P. Aur anyway. At least this time, I couldn't feel the frame of the bed!

What I don't understand is why people who don't dive visit Tioman. There is nothing to do there at all! Sure, you can snorkel, but thats not really something interesting in my opinion. Other than that, there are a few bars, but they are just sit down and drink watch tv type of bars.

That said, my resort was crowded!

Time to plan for the next trip! =)

Starving...

2.07pm. Been in a meeting since 9.30am. not over yet. hungry. shutting down. can eat anything. urgh.

Caught in the Act!

Those b*stards from that sandwich place that sounds like an MRT. =P

Link from Miss Cellania

"-_- - Funny

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.

Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection."

Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.

The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"

I think I overate at lunch.

Urgh. Thanks to all my colleagues who pushed me food. But it was yummy Thai!

Friday!!!

Another week has whizzed past in an instant. Onwards! To a fulfilling weekend!

A Sense of Humor

Having a sense of humor, and the ability to laugh at ourselves helps us get through life. =)

The Horrors of Malaysia Royalty

Link.

Terminator: Salvation

Due to popular request, I caught this movie over the weekend. I had not intended to watch it and in fact, had never caught any of the previous franchises.

The movie was mildly entertaining. I mean, action flicks can do very little wrong.

But I understand why the reviews of the movie are so bad. Like my friend, LO commented at the end of the movie, there was overacting on the part of Christian Bale. The dude needs to take a chill pill and stop acting in all these "I am the avenger" kind of roles (ala The Dark Knight). Really, for the sake of his mental health.

The ending was abrupt and completely predictable. I mean, there was only 1 biological part of the android, guess which one they were going to take?

There were several plot loopholes - terminators get blown up by magnetic mines, but motorcycles don't?

There were 2 parts where I burst out laughing (and it wasn't at any funny scene). I laughed out loud just because it was so lame. And they both involve the T-800 (guess which scenes?)

All in all, don't catch this movie, unless you really have nothing to do.

In that case, go read a book. Haha.