After all of that...

Why do I have a feeling of being abandoned?

Unfortunate Name

Why Men Lie

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe."Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. "Yes", he replied. The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Angelina Jolie. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Angelina Jolie, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Angelina Jolie."

The moral of this story is : Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his wife!

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

CrossRoads

And so it is...

I'm at the cross roads once again. With lead legs and heavy baggage on my back.

Sigh...

My Deepest Apologies

Dear Friends,

Over the past years, I have posted many funny images/jokes here and have shared them with people who I thought shared the same sense of humor. Unfortunately, I seemed to have upset a few people and received criticism for being sexist and shallow. So, from now on I am only posting pictures of old monuments, nature and other cultural sights which are educational for your mind.

Here is a picture below of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Toulouse, France.

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Musings

Over the weekend, I went to Orchard Towers to watch Kumar perform.

As usual, his jokes were racist, sexist, anti-establishment and peppered with innuendo.

However, it was a far cry from his days of Boom Boom Room. Although 3 Monkeys, where he performs now was full, it is a restaurant foremost, and hence although every table was occupied, there was a sense of emptiness in the room. The crowd, made up of geriatrics and tourists were not ones who broke into rapturous laughter, perhaps due to the fact that they possibly did not understand his off-colour jokes made with local references.

Kumar (or Kum-sies as he calls his female alter-ego) was clearly disappointed, and showed it. He kept telling the stupid ones who didn't understand the jokes to leave. The stand-up was made up of recycled jokes from his previous revues and some I've read of the internet.

But one thing he said stayed on my mind even after I left. No, it was not his "go home and have sex", or "horny men, please go upstairs later". It was his constant reminders to live life fully, cos we never know when we might go.

I applaud Kumar. For having not being afraid to be who he is, and for adding a little colour to the otherwise dull local society.

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P.S. Yes, there were a lot of whores (female and semi-female) at Orchard Towers.

The Differences Before and After Marriage

Before the marriage:

He: Yes!!! At last. I've waited so long for it!
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! You should know the answer to that by now!
She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top !!!!

Finally Friday

Shitty Week

Been having a shitty (metaphorically and literally) week. Very grumpy all week in the office.

But I'm thankful for the GF, family and friends who keep me sane.

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I know I have funny friends when the funniest thing I heard today was:

A: Can't date the girl, she's too socialist.

Me: ??? WTF?

Faith. Hope. Love.

The cynic in me thinks that there are many people out there who know that they are in terrible situations but they cannot get out off.

The dismal workplace, the heartbreak of being dumped, the poor financial situation, the ill health, the failing marriage...

But they get by day by day, dragging their tired psyches out of bed. Fueled only by the 3 words in the title.

Sometimes, all they need is a big hug or some friendly words from someone. It probably won't fix things, but I think it helps nonetheless.

Who have you touched today?

Gastric Flu

I believe there is a bout of gastric flu going around.

Probably the reason why I spent most of Sunday night curled up in a ball, and most of yesterday's MC in a semi-comatosed state.

And now I'm back at work. And just out of a 6 hour meeting. =(

The GF is still curled up in a ball at home. =(

Its vicious! Watch out!

Hong Kongers

I have some close friends from HK, and I think that they are a bunch of fun loving people who know how to live life.

But...

I'm dealing with a Hong Konger client right now and he is a big ass. Throws nasty emails around, which is Cced to my bosses and investors, as if by being nasty, he can get his way. Rude, callous fuck.

The best thing is, its not even my account. I just took over 2 days ago. And I sent him a nice email telling him to take care cos he was feeling under the weather.

My olive branch was swatted away by a acadia bush. Damn it!!!

Am feeling very incensed on a Friday morning. =(

Why Men Have Better Friends

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

iBoob

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBOOB will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

More here.

Poker Night

The mood was intense. Fleeting glances across the table, hoping to catch any sign of fear, deceit or glee.

"Raise 2 dollars.", came the cry.

Those who dare, follow.

And then the next card is dealt.

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Poker nights are real fun!!! Thanks Su for organising!

Wii Talk

Friend: Why is everyone hooked on Wii?

Me: Cos its sounds phallic and both men and women like to hold that shape in their hands?

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Its Friday!!!!!

Taken Off PostSecret

I just don't understand some people.

Kuala Lumpur

Just came back from KL after a long weekend trip.

I wonder what makes me go up there time after time. Some observations about the transport system:

1. The gridlock peak hour jams in KL are no laughing matter. My KL-ite friend who was driving actually reads in the jams. Since the cars don't move anyway. Take a wrong turn and add one-hour to your travel time.

2. Roads are haphazard, disorganised and basically he who has bigger gonads / car or lower fear of death gets the right of way. Hey, even KL-ites get lost there. 'Nuff said.

3. Traffic lights are for suggestion only. Red? You may still cross if you want / dare.

4. I think the traffic cops actually make the jams worse cos they can't direct traffic for nuts. I give them kudos for having the b*lls to stand in the middle of a busy intersection traversed by homicidal maniacs on mopeds and wiras.

5. I prayed for my life when the monorail tilted at least 20 degrees.

6. You have to walk a 100M to get from one monorail line to another - outside the station in the rain.

7. The automated machines that dispense tickets only except exact change, and you can only pay with one note. That would explain why everyone buys the tickets from the control station, resulting in a long line.

8. After you get the ticket, you'd expect to walk through a gantry. But the gantry's broken and they employ a guy to sit there instead.

9. The 2 clocks on the 2 platforms, placed side by side, are not synchonised. That kinda defeats the purpose of having clocks right? Just confuses people.

10. The train arrives, but its only 2 carriages, when the platform can accomodate 10. Hence we are packed like sardines (well, actually, more like mashed up tuna in a can).