Monday Funny

From the NUS grad's minutes.

"But the intangible factor of cool won Apple the battle. "

I can almost kill myself laughing. But wait, I should go kill him instead.

Update: He just got fired.

Reality Check

I've done my sums and calculated that I can't / refuse to pay 20% effective interest rate for me to get a car.

Life sucks.

Bus-sing for many more years I guess. =(

Me Today

Mondays...

Had an interesting weekend which led me to think lots. Have a good week ahead, people!

Afternoon Joke

Muthu was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Muthu, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you hit one with your catapult, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Muthu, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Muthu then says, "I have a question for you, teacher. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I.....I guess..... the one sucking the cone ?"

"No teacher," said Muthu, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking too !"

Joke

A wealthy benefactor to a hospital was given a tour of the wards one day.

She was led to one ward where there was a patient, feverishly masturbating. “Oh my gosh!”, what is he doing? The doctor explained, “ Oh, he has a condition where his testicles rapidly fill up with semen. If he does not do that 5 times a day, they will explode and he will die.”

“Oh.” She said and walked on.

She was led to another room and there was this nurse going down on a patient. “Now how do you justify that?” she exclaimed?

“Same condition, better health plan.” replied the doctor.

Moral of the Story: Go buy health insurance. =)

Dreams

I woke up in the middle of the night, disorientated.

I had thought it was Saturday. =(

---

I woke up in the middle of the night disorientated.

Then I saw her sleeping soundly as she always does.

I hugged her, and knew I was home.

---

There was running, chasing, hiding. I was fighting a Kyubi.

I woke up feeling like I've not rested at all.

---

Weird persons fleeting in and out of my subconcious. Hiding. Shying away from the light.

I couldn't remember my best friend's telephone number. But when I woke up, I knew it immediately.

Frown

At the rate i'm furrowing my brow at work, i'll probably need plastic surgery soon. =(

Life's Full of Ironies

Random Thoughts - Work

1. I'm in a foul mood. My boss is living in an alternate reality.

2. I dreamt that my colleague didn't get the raise he was looking forward to. *Evil*

3. If you don't know anything, don't start talking out of your ass.

4. I'm surrounded by fools.

5. I'm going to hate the phonecalls I have to make later.

Fuming

Am just reading a report typed by a new colleague.

NUS Engineering Grad. Second Upper.

Don't know how he actually passed his GP in JC. His Engrish is atrocious!

Grammer and tenses all mixed up. Don't understand what he is trying to say.

NBCB. Disappointing.

American Management (a joke on their compensation and layoff packages)

The American Way.

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese team won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

So American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the American's rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 Steering supervisors, 3 area
steering superintendents and 1 assistant Superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and
other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's rowing team was outsourced to India.

Dreams

I dreamt that i was back in England. Taking it all in, sipping tea and eating scones. Laid back, relaxed, enjoying the cool breeze....

Sigh...

If only it was true.

Azemad?

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too.
Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

There is no hope for the human race

Humans are destructive, some, self-destructive. Some more so than others.

Why can't they / we see it?

Sigh, there is no hope for the human race.

One More Day

To the long weekend! *hic*

Dilemma...

Been busy. Thinking about a problem. Shall I stay in a place which I don't like the work, but pays a lot more?